Untitled #2

Don't know what to put as the title again. So, just let it be untitled. Not working today but I just don't know why I automatically woke up at 9 a.m which is really really unusual for me as at least I will sleep till 10.30 a.m only willing to wake up. I wonder if it is because of those stupid dreams or some stupid thoughts in my mind which keep me awake and can't fall asleep again. But for me, dreams do make sense sometimes. It reflected what is in my mind. Not only once I felt that way. Same for what happened this morning. Probably I think too much on negative side about what he told me last night until I have a weird dream reflect my thoughts that there're too many obstacles which make us can't meeting up in the end.

Is a mixed feelings i will said. I am not sad, angry nor depressed. A feeling that really hard to explain. Probably worry + feel so uncertain or sometimes + a little bit of selfish + a little bit of guilty? Hmm.. Just don't know what sort of feelings is that. But surely that's not a nice 1. Like drinking a sour + bitter beer.

Anyway, whenever i feel down or sad or in the middle of the mist, I search for hope/words/video/anythings which could bring me back to the right track again. And yet, this morning, I read back my older post There is always a choice. I agreed most of what i wrote in the post but not the very last paragraph. There're some decisions/choices once already made, there will be no turning back. There're no way can be go back so easily to the origin which we can choose all over again. And, i found this too: Don't feed your mind with negative thoughts, If you do, you will come to believe them. Sigh... Read and say are always so easy, but how about when you are really going to do? I can say i CAN! IF i can get the right "key" to unlock the door deep inside my heart.

I was really happy today. Even though just meet for awhile. But i appreciated. Don't know if he notice or not, there's sometimes I hold his hand so tight just because I scared of losing especially when i know that it is almost the time that we are going to fall apart again. I can't predict what will happen in the future, but at least I treasure for what I have it now. No matter what will happen in the future, I will never regret choosing you. I just wish sooo much i could get rid of the negative thoughts. But no doubt, I need more assurance!! I believe things will work out together.