What is missing?!

Holiday are going to end soon!!! What i have been doing all these weeks?? Looking for jobs at first, went for quite a few interviews, but all end up with the answers: "Sorry............" Finally give up in the end. Whatelse i done?! Mostly sleep, eat, nap, facebook-ing, drama-ing, sometimes go shopping?! And for these last few weeks of my holiday, i will try my best to learn how to cook from first class chief at home, Mrs Yong (My dearest mom)

Now i am looking back, what a boring life i had!! Is that i missing something in my life?! Love?! For sure i had!!! Love from friends and family. I really feel very glad that i still have parents love me, care for me and i still have friends hanging out with me when the time i feel extremely bored at home. I really appreciate. But i'm greedy, those are not enough to fill the loneliness and the emptiness in my heart.

Today, parents went back grandma's house. I choose to stay alone at home, in fact, i can follow my parents going back and i know i should follow!! But when i think of what can i do there, i step back. I choose to stay at home, facing those electronics stuffs, tv, computers and i so scared that there will be lightening today and i am going to lose my only "partner" which i can rely on at that moment. How silly i am, until i got to rely on those "non-living things" when i wish there are someone there for me.

Read my friends' blog today, so agree that loneliness does kill sometimes!! My heart feel so empty at this moment. Oh no, should say, i had that feeling since long time ago. The feeling really strong especially result out that night. I can't believe i cried out cause of the silly result. Since i born, this is the first time in my life i cried because of those lousy results. I found nobody does really care for what i feel at that moment. I found nobody does really feel sad because i feel sad at that moment. It induce the loneliness deep inside my heart which i think i hide it well all these time and finally it explode out once together. I hug my pillow and cried out silently in that silent midnight. How i wish there are someone can fill in my heart. Someone i can think of when i am alone, someone i can rely on when i am sad, someone who will comfort me when i sad even i didn't tell anything, someone i can share my happiness and sadness together, someone who can make me smile when he smile, someone who can make me feel sad when he is unhappy and of course vise versa.

I realised that i already 22 yrs old!! Not 18 young girl anymore. How many times i have to waste on this kind of dull life somemore?! No more times to waste anymore!! How many 10 years we got?! Nobody can predict what will going to happen in the next day or even the next seconds!! Life is not just tv, drama, academic!! I need some COLOUR in my life!! The colour which i can't see, but it is what i can feel. That's the colour of my life!! But i still can't answer the question which i asked myself -- "What can i do for now?"